Keep That Head Up

Matt White Matt White Matt White,

How the hell are you, my son?

I'm just sitting here listening to ACDC on Rock 103.

Know anything about that? Ha.

I'm so sorry I missed you yesterday. 

Some new guy that got here the night 

before was on the phone from 2 to 3 pm.

Granny said y'all had just left when I call.

I wanted to talk to you so much.

Hopefully I can at Xmas.

I want to thank you so much for

doing Thanksgiving with Granny.

She was so happy and 

Cindy and Maddox

was icing on the cake.

Not much new here at all.

I did get to go outside for a hour yesterday.

They have two labs that live here.

A black lab and a blonde female.

They are so in love.

I wish you could see them.

I lay in the grass with them the 

whole hour and played with them.

I can say without a doubt it was

the best hour I've had in one year.

It's been a year last week since I've been gone.

WOW.

8-23-12 6:04 pm

MEMPHIS MOON

If you remember in our talk today,
I said I would not let you come back here even if you could.
( Inside the prison. )
This is why.
You made my day and my week today.
Just by seeing you.
It's like I was 1000 miles away from here.
I was so happy coming back to the barracks.
Then as soon as I walked in it happened.
A guy thats been here for about a month
35 years old
cut his throat ear to ear with a razor blade.
He lay in his cell for about 5 to 10 minutes
before anyone found him.
When they took him out he was lifeless.
Don't know if he died or not.
How sad.
And we don't know why.
But if I had to guess
I would say because his wife left him
or told him she had someone else.
That seems to be the #1 reason men go crazy in here.
Some just can't take it.
Like I've said many times before, time is a very funny thing.
It's your friend or your enemy.
You just never know which one.
You see, I had so many good emotions when you left.
I had tears of joy in my eyes.
But, that's the 3rd dead person I've seen in prison this year.
One at Brickeys.
One at Pine Bluff.
And now one here.
And the real sad thing about it is that it don't bother me.
That's what time will do to you.
It hardens you.
It makes you have no feelings about things.
And we will never know just why he did it, will we?
No, we wont.
Life goes on in here like it never happened.
They will move someone new in his space tomorrow
Like he was never here.
It will be another day in drug class.
I will go back to playing judge and jury.
And have people to reflect on their behavior.
I will return to my 8x12 home with Mr. Christopher Cross
who is as gay as they come.
I will crawl my big ass up on the top bunk
and look out my small window
for Bernie the Crow and the horses.
I will put Deuce's photo up on my lap
and dream about the day where I can be out
and feel the fall breeze upon my face.
Hear the leaves fall on the ground.
Think about Halloween with Luke and Faith.
Ive missed the two of them.
Think about your first Halloween in Memphis
in which I carried you around the block
as you held on to my neck
looking up at the moon,
scared of it because it was so full.
The day you learned to say quarter moon.
Oh, how I miss those days.
But, one day I will have a little Matt Ratt.
A little Doo Doo.
And Papa Night and Grandpa Deuce
with his grandkids will be on the farm
while you and Drew and family do what you are doing.
I do with all my heart and soul believe my best days are ahead of me.
Ahead of us.
I love you more than I could ever tell you.
I need you so much in my life.
They can take my body,
but never my mind and soul.
P.S. I miss fall so much.
Its the little things.
I must go now.
My heart is hurting.
I miss you.

STILL THE SAME

Hey Matt Ratt.
Whats up? Nothing new here.
While I was outside someone killed my ants.
It was sad. So I put twice as much candy down
and now I have twice as many ants.
I'm so bored.
Time has stopped, it seems.
Whats new in your world?
I guess the dogs are hot and lazy.
I miss them.
I sleep with a towel and call it LITTLE BIT.
Ever little thing helps.
Matt I know I can talk to you about this.
When I get home I want to feed the poor and the homeless.
Its something I wanted to do for a very long time.
Everyone said Im crazy.
I ache all over from the concrete.
And the beenie weenies are about to kill me. ha ha.
The most important thing to remember is that
I love you with all my heart and think about you all the time.
Matt, one day you and I are going to make it big.
Remember, family is everything.
Dont wait until you are my age to get that.
And most of all, follow YOUR dreams and be your own man.
I love you no matter what anyone else says.
Its like a runaway train on a runaway track.
Do it your own way.
I wish I had a margarita and some Bob Seger:
Still the same.

THE ANT CAN CARRY 14 TIMES ITS WEIGHT

Friday
Hey Matt. How was the band?
We got 6 more people in here.
You cannot walk across the floor.
I bought a bunk for 2 soups.
Let me tell you about some of them in my pod.
The guy above me hears voices in his head.
One of them wines all of the time about the food.
I told him to shut up, you're in jail.
Have a 19 year old that talks, talks, talks, talks...
And let's not forget about the man that will not talk not matter what.
If he dont eat all his food he will spit on it for no one else can have it.
If I didn't know better I think I was at the Peabody.
The concrete is hard on the old man.
And let's not forget the guy that sits on the tolit all day and sleeps.
Its nothing like sitting at a steel picknick table looking at four walls.
I just got back from trading two cups of coffee to the black pod
for three soups from the white side.
I made one soup off of it because
I'm the only white that the brothers accept in here.
It's so racist in here. On the outside they wouldn't be this way.
And the big fat redneck from benton-
that is the biggest liar you ever heard.
I hope you have a great weekend.
I know I will. It's beenie weenie weekend. ha. ha.
And remember: the ant can carry 14 times its weight.
And most of all, your dad loves you and miss you very much.
-06

BLOOD WAS EVERYWHERE

Hey bubba.
Just sitting here. Looking around the room,
I see the hurt, the tired, and the unknown in everyones eyes.
They try not to show it, but it's there.
The unknown is the worst.
The 19-20 year olds that are looking at a lot of time.
What's up with all the guns out there?
***** ****'s brother came in today.
Ya'll work with his brother.
He's in a lot of trouble.
If I just had the money I would open a rehab.
Its needed so bad.
I saw a guy that cut his throat in here on Friday.
Blood was everywhere.
I know I needed this, Matt.
I needed a time out.
I hope you are doing well.
Look after your mom.
She needs you.

How are the dogs doing?
Did he know my smell?
If you have time, please write a note..

GIVE THEM HELL

Matt. I saw your name in the newspaper again.
Give them hell. I'm so proud of you.
I love you.
1-29-07